A Favorite Poem: If by Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you   

    Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,   

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,

    But make allowance for their doubting too;   

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,

    Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,

Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,

    And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;   

    If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;   

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster

    And treat those two impostors just the same;   

If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken

    Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,

    And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings

    And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

And lose, and start again at your beginnings

    And never breathe a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew

    To serve your turn long after they are gone,   

And so hold on when there is nothing in you

    Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,   

    Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,

    If all men count with you, but none too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute

    With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,   

Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,   

    And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!

Looks Don't Matter: How to REALLY Be Attractive

Finally, I have a cited work for you to refer to. Also, the title is a bit of a lie because...

"Looks" in terms of attraction is a misnomer. We use it to refer to stable measures such as jawlines. But, we forget to include things like grooming.

A study published in 1997 in the journal of Current Psychology demonstrates that physical appearance (as defined by traditional sensibilities) is not the single most important determinant of attractiveness.

The best way to describe the findings is, "You don't need to be good-looking, but you should look good."

The study found that the most important element of attractiveness (for both men and women) was 'self-care.' This included changeable aspects such as neat hair, proper grooming, well-fitting and quality clothing, healthy weight, and good posture. All of which are relatively easy to handle.

Left: how most US men mess up fit. Right: proper fit

After 'self-care,' three other components were important for attractiveness, but only 33% as important as 'self-care.' These were 'masculinity,' 'femininity,' and 'pleasantness.'

Masculinity, somewhat attractive to women, was defined by more stable features (depending on gym time) such as muscularity, shoulder width, larger chest, and bigger jaw. However, these can also be changed.

Femininity, somewhat attractive to men, was defined by longer hair, wearing make-up, and feminine body language and posture. Again, these are changeable.

Pleasantness, somewhat attractive to both men and women, was defined by happy, positive, and friendly attitude. These traits can be cultivated. Smiles are simple and take little effort.

Thus, increasing attractiveness is mostly a matter of changing easily-changeable qualities (see below). On top of that, add the gym for men, long hair and make-up for women, and a positive attitude for both, and you can have the whole package.

I'd also add gym for women as well, as that plays a role in healthy weight and can improve posture.

So, here's how to maximize attractiveness. Remember, self-care is the most important element followed by masculinity/femininity and pleasantness in equal proportion.

1. Grooming - Most important aspect according to the research. Shower, style and keep hair neat, and shower or trim where needed. Brush teeth and keep your breath fresh. Simple, yet so many people fail in this regard.

A note: if you have perpetually bad breath despite cleaning your mouth 1-2x a day, you may need to clean your tongue in addition. Or, you may need dental work. Go see a dentist.

2. Clothing - Also really important and easy to fix. The research indicates three aspects to be more attractive: neat, well-fitting, and more formal. So, make sure to clean and press your clothing, buy clothing that flatters your body shape, and er a little on the classy side.

Read my posts on fashion archetypes and red and black clothes if you want to step it up even further.

3. Posture - stand up straight, head up, and shoulders back. Heels for women and heeled shoes for men improve posture (and they're more formal)! Your desk chair will influence posture as well. Also, working out in the gym and doing certain exercises can affect posture as well.

4. Attitude - Be positive and friendly and make sure to smile frequently.

5. Fitness - A general healthy weight was found to be attractive. This is a bit more difficult for many people who live in a developed nation. Neither too skinny nor too fat is attractive. Exercise and diet are key for maintaining this aspect.

A note: you cannot go on a diet and expect this to change. You have to change your "lifestyle" and the way you eat and move permanently, not for 30 or 90 days.

6. Gender - Step it up further by looking more masculine or feminine (depending on who you want to attract). For men, this will require extra gym time/lifting to move beyond "healthy weight" and develop broader shoulders, a bigger chest, and more musculature. Facial hair can strengthen a weak jawline.

For women, grow out your hair and learn to apply make-up properly to accentuate eyes, lips, and facial structure.

A note: Research shows that masculine women are attracted to very masculine men while really feminine women are attracted to men who may be be less masculine. This does not mean they are attracted to men who dress flamboyantly, have effeminate body language, and are indecisive. It just means they don't need a man to be on the very edge of super masculinity.

(Update) Research also shows that really masculine men prefer really feminine women. Make-up is preferential depending on the man, but long(er) hair is definitely important whether a man says he likes short vs. long hair. Avoid super short hair at all costs. This is a HUGE turn off:

We do not want to date a 12 year old boy. I was honestly really attracted to these two women before they cut their hair. Now I'm really put off. Don't make the mistake of thinking femininity somehow makes you unequal. Use it as a charming tool of positive influence. 

A few caveats: Keep in mind that this study was done by having people look at photos, so attractiveness can easily change when you begin interacting with people in person. Non-verbal communication and personality play a huge factor in attractiveness as well. More on that in the future.

Also, this is a self-reported survey. Behavior may vary from self-reports. Nonetheless, people instinctively have gut reactions for attractiveness.

What Does It Mean to Be A Man?

A man sets his own standards.
A man takes action rather than seeking permission.
A man respects himself, his time, and others. He expects the same in return.
A man knows what he wants and pursues it unrelentingly.
A man nourishes his mind, body, and soul.
A man expresses emotion.
A man believes he can accomplish anything he wants.
A man plays his strengths and admits his weaknesses.
A man seeks truth and does not lie to himself or others in order to feel more comfortable.
A man displays goodness, kindness, and gentleness.
A man is a dick when he needs to be.
A man feels comfortable with his desires.
A man acts self-assured and confident, not supplicative or hyper-masculine.
A man loves life and appreciates beauty.
A man accepts responsibility for his himself, his actions, and his life.
A man is at peace with the world.

Please add your own ideas to the list in the comments section. A female perspective would be really great too!

The Byronic Hero

That man of loneliness and mystery,

Scarce seen to smile, and seldom heard to sigh— (I, VIII)
and

He knew himself a villain—but he deem’d
The rest no better than the thing he seem’d;
And scorn’d the best as hypocrites who hid
Those deeds the bolder spirit plainly did.
He knew himself detested, but he knew
The hearts that loath’d him, crouch’d and dreaded too.
Lone, wild, and strange, he stood alike exempt
From all affection and from all contempt: (I, XII)