The most cliche and indeterminate advice in history.
Actually, that's a bit of a lie. In reality, this is simultaneously some of the worst and best advice. It's horrible because nobody knows what it means. People throw out it as much as they do filler um... uhh... ummmm... words.
Let's break this down and see how it can become a wonderful piece of wisdom. Here's what it means in an evolved sense.
"Just be yourself," really means...
Be outcome independent. In other words, speak to people as if your words and actions are merely an expression of value. Don't be trying to get something from others. Don't try to make her laugh or smile or start unzipping your pants.
However, this turns into a paradox and you should own up to your intentions. If you're attracted to someone, don't try to hide it. Why in the world do people try to hide it that they like someone?! How can you hook up if everyone is trying to pretend they don't like each other?
"Hey dude, that girl is totally cute..."
[girl makes eye-contact]
[guys darts his eyes away quickly. ends up forever alone]
We are supposed to be attracted to the opposite sex. Own up to it. You may think it sounds creepy, but actually trying to hide it comes off as creepy. It ends up turning into manipulation because guys end up doing nice things for women only because they think and expect attraction and sex in return and women end up being too passive or hard-to-get and complain that there are no good men.
Finally, being yourself requires being present to the moment rather than living in the past or future. Being aware of your body and your surroundings is the best way to become present. I have many posts about this topic as I believe it to be a fundamental principle in a fulfilling life.
In summary, "be yourself" really means:
Finally, being yourself requires being present to the moment rather than living in the past or future. Being aware of your body and your surroundings is the best way to become present. I have many posts about this topic as I believe it to be a fundamental principle in a fulfilling life.
In summary, "be yourself" really means:
- Stop trying to get validation from people, but give them value by sharing your genuine personality. Let them take it or leave it. Expression not impression.
- Don't hide your intentions, but own up to them. Stop being ashamed of your sexual desires.
- Be present to the moment instead of stuck in your head thinking of ways to look cool.
This is also the true definition of being "normal" (which is not the same as being average).
